003 | Communication: "The Pursue-Withdraw Dynamic" with my friend Emil Harker, LMFT
In this interview with Emil Harker, LMFT, and Jonathan Sherman, LMFT, we laugh and talk about the often perplexing pursue-withdraw dynamic... and how to use it.
Episode Notes
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In this episode of the RelateGREAT! Podcast, licensed marriage and family therapists Emil Harker, LMFT, and Jonathan Sherman, LMFT, delve into the pursue-withdraw dynamic often seen in relationships. This is a re-broadcast of an episode Emil did on a former podcast he was involved with. They discuss the motivations behind pursuing and withdrawing behaviors and how these can create a damaging cycle if not managed properly. Jonathan and Emil share practical strategies for both pursuers and withdrawers to break the cycle and foster healthier communication and connections. By emphasizing the importance of safety and understanding, they offer actionable advice to help listeners strengthen their relationships and avoid common pitfalls.
00:00 Introduction: The Art of Listening
00:25 Stop, Look, and Listen: Practical Tips
01:40 Meet Emil Harker: A Trusted Therapist
04:20 Exploring the Pursue-Withdraw Dynamic
04:53 Common Terms and Misconceptions
05:56 The Pursue-Withdraw Cycle in Relationships
08:05 Gender Patterns and Topic-Based Dynamics
12:12 Managing the Pursue-Withdraw Dynamic
14:52 Understanding the Pursuit of Sex and Power
15:22 The Emptiness of Pursuit
16:59 The Pursue-Withdraw Dynamic
17:09 Why Do People Withdraw?
20:26 The Role of Fear in Withdrawal
20:52 Strategies for Pursuers and Withdrawers
23:46 The Importance of Safety in Relationships
26:56 Effective Communication Techniques
30:12 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
Referenced Resources:
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